If you have ever tried to plan the ‘off-duty’ rota you will appreciate the difficulties involved in trying to accommodate all the requests and restrictions made by your staff because of their social and personal commitments. Some staff care for elderly relatives, many have young children, and everyone has a social life with regular commitments. Some years ago I co-wrote an article called ‘juggling the rota’ (Fowler and Abinett, 1984) and I feel that, today, for many staff with significant personal and particularly childcare responsibilities, it is about juggling your life.
As I reflect on my own experiences of parenting four children and caring for an elderly mother, and the many differing caring experiences of students and qualified staff that I've worked with over the years, I realise the immense amount of planning, commitment and energy required to combine work and parenting or caring.
Are there easy answers to combining working and caring?
I know of one person who employed a live-in nanny; she sorted out the children in the morning, took them to school, did the washing and ironing and prepared a meal for when people came home. Sounds ideal doesn't it, but how many of us could afford this option? And even if you could, wouldn't you feel that you were missing out on actually being a parent? Most of us have to plan and juggle childcare and work between ourselves and our partners.
It could be that both people work part time or one works full time and the other fits a very part-time job around their partner's shifts. It is rare for a family to be able to live comfortably on the wage of one nurse, so some form of compromise is usually required. The routine weeks are usually manageable with careful planning and sharing school pick-ups with friends, but it is the school holidays that pose the greatest problems.
Coping with school holidays
How you cope with school holidays will depend a lot on whether you have a partner and, if you do, on how and when that person works. Those people I know who are single parents are usually forced into term-time contracts, or have great support from grandparents. Grandparents can be a wonderful resource provided they are willing and able. If you do have a partner and they are also shift workers, then you may find yourselves deliberately working opposite shifts, but hopefully having at least 1 day together.
I've known colleagues who have employed young people on holiday from college or university to help during holiday periods and this can work really well, provided you can afford it. Holiday clubs can be an option, but few cater for those of us working shifts.
All these different arrangements lead to varied requests to the person organising off duty. If they understand your restrictions they will often go out of their way to accommodate requests.
Planning for emergencies
Although most parents cope well with the routine childcare weeks and even the school holidays, most of us are thrown when one of our children is ill. We know when half term is coming and can plan ahead to provide cover for that time, but a child becoming ill happens suddenly and can throw the most organised of us into panic. A childminder will not want a poorly child mixing with their other children, a school will not want infectious children attending and the child themselves will want the comfort of their own home and loving parent. Grandparents can again be ‘life savers’ in this situation and if you can call on them in emergencies then you will appreciate how wonderful they can be. Or there may be another relative or friend who is willing to step in. Many others feel forced to ‘phone in sick’. Some employers will allow a certain amount of time per year that can be claimed for ‘emergency childcare’, others do not, and staff are forced to take annual leave or lie and make out that they are ill; not a pleasant dilemma to be faced with if you try to be an honest person. I always tried to keep about 5 days of annual leave spare to be used for such emergencies.
Time for you
Families are, for the most part, wonderful and work, for most of the time, is rewarding and enjoyable. Combining both works successfully for most of us, but often the ‘juggling’ of the combination is draining. It is therefore important that you don't leave your own needs out when planning the combination of work and family commitments. Make sure that you have some time for yourself, if possible weekly but certainly once a fortnight. Sometimes this might involve a bit of straight-talking with your partner, who may assume that, because you are a nurse, you can manage and cope with everything. It might mean buying in a babysitter once a week while you attend a yoga class or have night out. Whatever you do, don't forget to care for yourself.