I have been a registered children's nurse for more than 10 years, and recently I have struggled with my confidence around nursing. I have experienced issues with what could be seen as burnout and negative personal events, which coincided with the pandemic but were not directly related to COVID-19. I moved jobs after 6 years, around the start of the pandemic, transitioning from clinical practice into remote patient assessment. I believed this change would be an interesting opportunity to gain experience in a different field of nursing and offer a new challenge.
Initially, the role seemed to fulfil my aspirations for a change of pace and environment. However, after working in remote assessment for 8 months, I faced a personal tragedy that altered my perspective profoundly. In December of that year, I was unwell with COVID-19 and isolating when I received a call from a friend and neighbour of my father. They informed me that my father had been unwell for several days. As a nurse in remote assessment, I encouraged those with him to phone the local service for advice and support. Tragically, he was not assessed properly by the nurse who handled the case, with key questions being missed during the call. By the time assistance eventually arrived, he had gone into peri-arrest and passed away in his home.
This devastating event led me to raise complaints through the trust's complaints process and, subsequently, with the ombudsman. Although the process acknowledged the failings in my father's care, it could not definitively determine whether he might have survived had help arrived sooner. The uncertainty and grief weighed heavily on me, and I could no longer continue working in remote patient assessment. The role, which had once seemed an exciting opportunity, now felt like a constant reminder of a system that had let my father down. Consequently, I made the decision to return to clinical practice.
Returning to a clinical setting was both a comfort and a challenge. Although I found solace in being closer to patients and directly involved in their care, I also struggled with significant anxiety and depression. Every decision I made felt fraught with the fear that I might inadvertently cause harm to a patient, mirroring the harm that had befallen my father. Despite receiving counselling, speaking with my GP, and having a supportive ward manager, I found myself questioning my competence and doubting my ability to provide safe and effective care. This period of my career was marked by a profound lack of confidence and feelings of emotional exhaustion – symptoms consistent with burnout, as described by Maslach (1999), whose work is discussed by Dall’Ora and Saville (2021).
At a crossroads
After 8 months, I reached a crossroads in my career. Unsure of what to do next and contemplating whether I wanted to remain in nursing at all, I took time to reflect on my options. Nursing had always been a fundamental part of my identity. I realised that walking away from the profession entirely would leave me feeling lost and disconnected. With this understanding, I began searching for roles that would allow me to stay connected to nursing without the pressures of direct clinical practice. It was during this search that I came across an advert for a lecturer in children's nursing.
‘I gain immense satisfaction from supporting student nurses throughout their educational journey, helping them navigate the challenges of their course and develop into competent, compassionate professionals ’
The prospect of becoming a lecturer was both exciting and terrifying. Public speaking had always been outside my comfort zone, yet the role offered an opportunity to maintain my Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) registration, stay updated on nursing practice, and use the clinical skills I had developed over many years. Despite my lack of prior experience in education, I recognised that my years in nursing had equipped me with a wealth of transferable skills. To my delight, I was appointed to the role and embarked on a new chapter in my career.
Sharing knowledge
Over the past 2 years, I have found my passion for nursing reignited through my work as a lecturer. Teaching has allowed me to share my knowledge with the next generation of nurses, using my experiences to demonstrate the practical applications of theoretical concepts. I gain immense satisfaction from supporting student nurses throughout their educational journey, helping them navigate the challenges of their course and develop into competent, compassionate professionals.
In addition to teaching, I serve as a link lecturer to two NHS trusts. This aspect of my role involves visiting practice settings to support students and their practice assessors during placements. By highlighting areas of good practice and identifying opportunities for improvement, I contribute to enhancing the quality of care within these services. Building relationships with education teams and fostering a sense of collaboration between academia and practice has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my work.
Reconnecting
Although I have embraced my role as a lecturer, I have found myself missing certain elements of clinical practice. This realisation came as a surprise, given the anxiety and self-doubt that had accompanied my departure from direct patient care. However, my desire to reconnect with the clinical world has grown stronger over time, prompting me to apply for bank roles that will allow me to gradually re-enter this space. Although I still feel some apprehension, I am looking forward to once again describing myself as both a lecturer and a nurse.
Reflections
Reflecting on my journey, I am struck by the resilience and adaptability that nursing requires. The profession is not without its challenges, and periods of doubt and difficulty are almost inevitable. However, these experiences have taught me the importance of seeking support, whether from colleagues, counselling services, or professional networks. They have also underscored the value of taking time to reflect on one's goals and priorities, particularly when faced with adversity.
Burnout is a pervasive issue in nursing, exacerbated by the high demands and emotional toll of the profession. As Dall’Ora and Saville (2021) noted, feeling emotionally drained and lacking confidence in one's ability to perform are hallmark symptoms of this condition. Addressing burnout requires systemic changes, such as improved staffing levels and access to mental health support, as well as individual strategies such as self-care and professional development. Transitioning into education provided me with a much-needed reprieve and a chance to rediscover my passion for nursing in a new context.
Looking ahead, I am committed to continuing my journey of growth and learning within the profession. As a lecturer, I aim to inspire and equip future nurses with the knowledge and skills they need to succeed. As a nurse, I am eager to re-engage with clinical practice, bringing the insights I have gained from my time in education back to the bedside. By bridging these two realms, I hope to contribute to a more holistic and integrated approach to nursing, one that values both the practical and academic dimensions of the profession.
In many ways, my journey has come full circle. The grief and self-doubt that once seemed insurmountable have given way to a renewed sense of purpose and determination. Nursing is not just a career but a calling, and I am grateful for the opportunities it has afforded me to grow both personally and professionally. Although the challenges of the profession remain, I am more confident than ever in my ability to navigate them and to support others in doing the same.
In conclusion, finding love for nursing again has been a deeply personal and transformative journey. It has required resilience, reflection, and a willingness to embrace change. Through my experiences, I have come to appreciate the many facets of the profession and the myriad ways in which nurses can make a difference. Whether at the bedside, in the classroom, or beyond, nursing remains a vital and rewarding calling – one that I am proud to be a part of.